Test 1:   57% - Caution. Test 2:   53% - Full-fledged panic.   I'm not really certain what to write, other than the fact that with a class average of 75%, the 50% speaks for itself...and come to a general consensus that you're lacking.   The first critique can be passed off via excuses, and the second as well, though eventually you can only deny things for so long.

...I've been on stress leave I guess I'm calling it now, from my volunteer jobs.  I was really embarrassed on the bus on the way home because I was eating my peanuts.  Just a few because hunger creates anxiety for me and I was trying to 'self regulate'.  Anyways the guy sitting next to me reminded me that people with peanut allergy's can get really sick by just the smell of them.  He said he could smell...

I am so horrified right now.    It's cold here (cold for me, anyway, it was 62 when I left home) so I grabbed a jacket on my way out.  I decided to grab this awesomely cozy jacket that my mom gave me... but in a way, if it did I would have an excuse to get myself home and in the shower.  But a reaction would be bad.  I now feel very neurotic and cannot turn my brain off.  Today is going to suck.

Each Wednesday Kelvin and I do a bit of wargaming at a friend's shop in Poole. Just around the corner is a little off licence were we get drinks and snacks. One of my many problems is that I hate going...own. It might seem trivial to some of you, but for me it was a very important little step! I've been told to measure the size of a step by the amount of courage it requires, and this took a fair bit

I've never really liked keeping a journal - I never could keep up a consistant pattern of writing. Plus, I always thought it was silly. Who am I writing to, anyways? Seemed all kind of pointless to me... that I'm an "other", that I don't fit anywhere. That sense of alienation and loneliness is a big part of the reason I'm having a bad evening, and why I'm rambling on here for nobody in particular

...less... hippie... than hers 2) more effective (they've worked in the past, i've tried a little bit of it tonight) 3) less corny. I realized while talking today that I feel that almost all of this anxiety and panic is situational. I remain convinced that I may have GAD, and she seems to be following this track without diagnosing it, but a lot of my main stressors are "right now" things. I stress...

SIGH. My anxiety about the test tomorrow has at last reached the level at which I cannot even fantasize about how great it would be to blow off studying for another hour. Guess it's time to kick off my all-nighter.  :'(

Today is Wednesday - therapy day!  Ann was talking to me about that fact that I worry too much, lol - really?  We explored this and we talked about how worry is a distraction so I don't have to feel what's...forth and I had to stop the tape because I did not want to roll Speckle off of me...it's so rare she wants to lie with or on top of me - awwww...she has cabin fever big time!  Poor cutie!

so, after having way too much emotionality (that's a word. b/c i say so.) lately, a friend mentioned we're all a little stressed. Why? election. Prop 8. And it's bloody true. I ran into a friend passing out prop8 stuff yesterday and wanted to cry when talking to her and most of the way home. dude.

Last night was the last session on my Anxiety Management Course. Now I wait while the Gateway team evaluate the results. Within a couple of weeks I'll get a phone call and we'll discuss what's next for me. I could do more group therapy, or do one on one therapy, I could even do the whole course again to make sure I have a good grasp of the methods used. The biggest thing this has taught me is to take...