The thing that makes me insane is the morning wait for the "phone call" . The call itself is what makes me insane. I HATE the phone ringing and the fact that it goes off between 6 - 7 am while it's still...on the computer so I don't feel completely alone.Yet still somehow my heart starts to race after 6:00am, waiting for that SOUND. Ah yes another Phobia in the wonderful wacky world of my brain.

Today is the first 'Cool House' day, Sallie will be with me, so that's something. I'm very nervous, all night I was dreaming about it, so I really hope it's going to be okay. I am also worried that I will...uncomfortable Ku is uncomfortable. But this might be a step toward better things, as long as I don't bolt. I'll remember that Ghostie will be proud of me if I do this, and that makes it more worth while

Okay, so I went to the 'Cool House' and it was pretty draining. Ghostie came with me, which lessoned the fear a lot and I didn't bolt, even though I felt like it once or twice. I think there will be good...to see her again. Tomorrow is the day I've been looking forward to! Sallie will be here! What time does your train get in hon? Shall I meet you at the station? ♥ I hope your birthday is going well

I now have a 0FFiCiALLY a M0NTH & a DAY untill I go to bootcamp. Exicted? N0 . Hell no. But am I anxious? 0H HELL YES . How will it be? Who will I meet? Will it break me? Or will it make a better me? Oh the feel of not knowing what to expect eh? 0h kami-sama. Well the good thing about leaving is that I get to go back to New York for at least a week to see all my family and friends, whom I haven't...

Don't you just hate it when you get inspired to write and you're in the car miles away from home, with NO sketchpad or notebook to write your thoughts in? Well, this happened to me today on the way to...me overjoyed, and Jade is over this evening which should be fun, lets hope I can do my writings and drawings as well. Oh, and Kyuu had potential good news, but I'll let it update about that itself

Oh no. I'm nervous already. I'm getting palpitations, you know, thumping heart. I'm not on any happy pills (anti depressants for my anxiety) so I'm really gonna be feeling the anxiety today. I keep...kids that are gonna be there. It doesn't make me feel so good I can tell you. What's worse is that I'm on my period, so I'm not feeling a hundred percent anyways. Oh the joys of being a teenager.

...she's going to keep calling now. I don't want everyone getting antsy about when's the baby going to be bornnnn???? Fuck, I don't know!! Don't you think I'd like to know too? But I wouldn't be this on-edge and anxious if I knew! So YES. There is still a baby in my uterus, and NO. I cannot predict when she'll be here, and NO, as of now I'm showing no bloody sign of ever delivering!!! Alright?

*CAUTION* content could cause trigger After cleaning, I feel anxious again. I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but I can’t do it right now and I’m anxious as hell.   My head is killing me, I’m hungry but the moment I think about eating, I feel sick. I feel like a basket case again.   Nothing is working. All the distractions I’m trying...

I am all showered and clean ^^ Hotel work will be horribly busy tomorrow, every room is a turnover with all beds used =x Oh dear, I'm a little anxious about that. Never mind, I'm babysitting for Katie tonight, then on Monday I have a few phone calls and grown up things to do. I feel a bit jumbled up but I'm trying to stay calm about things. I started reading Dream catcher this morning, Stephen King...

You ever wonder where you're going. Like you'll sit down and realize that everything you're doing. You're not doing for the real purpose...? That you're really doing it for reasons besides the mission... At the same time I wish it didn't happen tonight when I went out to be social and talk to Chinese girls. -_-' I'm hungry. Ｉ＇ｍ　ｇｏｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｇｅｔ　ｆｏｏｄ．　Therefore I shall be back soon I hope! Good night