My mom gave in and let me get a rat on Saturday. I named him Dudley. He's not too crazy about me and doesn't wanna come out of his cage. Pix to come, soon!

...to get on my nerves. I'm pretty damn sure there's no denying he likes me any longer, and he's been trying to get closer, or I shoud say, he's been getting closer to taking a chain saw to my cage...only Iris and a few others are allowed to do that...So to say, he's trying to get closer to me than I would like. I feel bad for him too, because I know his feelings for me will never be returned...

I removed my stitches today: Anw, the doctor I went to betul-betul mintak kena tembak! Such tak perlu questions which are really none of his business! Just thinking about it still has me riling...to crispy waffles and I cannot love anything else other than crispy waffles. I feel sad. Maybe H a z is right. I shouldn't do it. I'm holding my heart in my hands and I should just throw it away

...money for 2 months they are not entitled too, they have made no attempt to tell me that has happened and makes me wonder how long they would have gone on taking the money for if i hadnt contacted them. am i allowed to semd them nasty letters every day til they repay me £115 they now owe me?? i think a new tom cage is in order, the door keeps falling off my one but its about a hundred years old

... Smexy Waitress Chick introduced herself to us; we had a bartender with lovely boobs. Other awesomeness of the night included a GIANT sausage from the hot dog cart outside, watching Em dance in the cage, joining Em in the cage to dance (like I have never thought I would), Dean saying "umm sure" to my text asking "can I be a lesbian on Fridays?" (which led to said cage dancing), and Jame/Jamie rambling...

...but writing down what's on my chest makes it easier to order my thoughts. But even now everything in my head is a mess. I just know that I want to be free. NO MORE CARING ABOUT RULES.  NO MORE CAGES THAT FORCE ME TO HATE MYSELF. This damn cage is the reason I want to vomit. Forgetting all this pain lets me become the person I am. I am able to show my personality, enjoying good things, taking...

" My bounty as boundless as the sea, my love is deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite... without wax. "

Mums know best. I think after hearing my mum say it so many times to me, I've realized it is true- that one of my greatest flaw would be that I'm extremely impatient. If I want something, I want it then...is a reassurance of how I 'just need to hold on for another day'. Ephemeral, transitions- the very terms that gave birth to this journal. I do not know if I'll ever get adjusted to feeling so alone

 NEO-DADA & HAPPENINGS SILES: Rauschenberg 321-23, Johns 323-24, Cage 707-9, Kaprow 709-14, Kelly 92-93, Yoshihara 695-98 Leo Steinberg "The Flatbed Picture Plane"     I’d have to say that the Rauschenberg reading (pp. 321-23) was the most enjoyable out of all the others. In his Untitled Statement, I took his references to painting and applied them to art in general. I paint...