I guess I should go eat.... right? I'm trying to save money, so I should probably go to the grocery store. I'll probably only do that after I get some fast food, though. That's just the way it seems to go with me.
...but I do it without even thinking. I don’t want her to leave me either. I know Jennifer, Sarah, and Linden didn’t abandon me but I just have separation issues… I am proud of myself this morning for eating breakfast. I know that the only reason I did it was because I ate with Maria. I had I not eaten she would have said something and I am not ready to tell her about the not eating. Kate then called...
I am just not doing well. I really want to contact Amy (my therapist) but I know I can't. Everything is overwhelming me now. Soraya and all the sexual stuff. Trying to starve myself. My parents giving...of like that. At least she cares. Soraya is asleep now and I couldn’t help but cut. It is such relief but I know I will feel the side effects in the morning. But at this point, I don’t care. EM
...like jogging. Thinspo: hanna beth is my favorite Where Do You Slip Up? : i don't really slip up a lot anymore..i guess i kind of do when i'm at my dads and i'm forced to eat, i sometimes end up eating a lot more than i should. When Did It Start? : early 2007 i think. it feels like forever. Why Did It Start?: i don't really know. i think my big sister had a lot to do with it..my whole life...
I know I have bad eyesight already but today everything just seems a bit more blurry. I'm sure its my bloodpressure or something, maybe from the waterpills? I don't know, in any case its driving me mad...a while to be accepted though. Oh well I just hope that I am. I'm going to eat now, I hate that fact but, i just cant take it anymore, I have to, something small, it will probably come up later.
Good day in terms of mood. Bad day in terms of food. Knew I would be going for beers tonight so packed a slightly bigger lunch of Tuna with extra light mayo and pasta. But it was soooo delish I'd eaten...trainfare really. I'll pop into Morrisons tomorrow night and see if there are any cheap treats etc. Feeling calmer and more together today. Looking forward to therpay on Monday. Loads to talk about
...and copy. It is like he has to learn the process over with each letter. Heck with it. I am going to try walking today although I probably won't make it very far with the hitch in my git along. I am eating everything in the house - I need to do something or I will gain 20 lbs. I thought taking photos of the dog toy was bad but yesterday there I was laying on the floor trying to get photos of the...
Calmer now .... this morning was intense. Work is a welcome distraction. Going home tonight is what scares me. More time alone ... time to think. I went for a walk at lunchtime and by the time I got... I HAVE to sell stuff on eBay this month, even if it's only £20. Would help immensely. Debbie's trying to pursuade me to have beers tomorrow. I could be convinced. More money I don't have. ~sigh
... Very interesting. Female and male hormones. Proposals. Sex. Hahahahaha. "I want you, but you're not ready." It's that kind of stuff. Ew? And. Gosh. Marelyn and Sandra were staring at me while eating again. This is not the first time. They said I eat weird. That's what you expect when you grow up in a well-mannered family. Not anymore though. We've changed. Then, we had Italian again. Barbara...
