... but i dont really care. im really happy right now, even though im tired. even though my orange nail polish isnt as bright as it was in the bottle. it looks like sharpie. but oh well. i want to eat my powdered donuts, but theyre for school and my dad says im getting fat. :[ hahaha. its all good. im gonna bask in this for a while. cuz itll be gone soon. but thats ok. for now. hee hee. im so happy!

I jumped on the scale today, big mistake. Wowza. Vacation did some damage to my figure. I also noticed it in the pictures. Chubbiness over the jean tops, the dreaded ahhhhh muffin top! So, I made up...Curry Zucchini Soup on.  I have some yams (for me) and some small red potatoes (for S) in the oven.  Tons and tons of veggies will be on the menu.  Off to search for interesting veggie recipes!

...always been more popular, prettier, and had a better personality. i even remember my parents sometimes comparing me to her. she's super skinny and basically perfect. also, she jokes around about how fat i am. she pokes my fat and goes eww. she thinks it doesn't hurt me and its' just joking around and funny, but wow, she's very wrong. Does Anyone Know? : my best friend kind of knows, other than that...

Today I made a comment about how I've been eating too much lately and am starting to get fat. My friends just nodded along and agreed with me. I must be fatter than I thought.

...  There's no syrup left, so we're using whipped cream.  On my last pancake, I made a bit of a tower.  Mom(her mother, Lynn) comments, "Wow, Cat!"  Bob, her dad, comments, "Damn, no wonder she's so fat!" I immediately froze.  For a moment, I just stayed there as Mom yelled at Bob for saying something so cruel, especially after I just started being able to eat again.  He was confused, and she explained...

Today's weigh-in at approximately 7:00 AM is: | 328 lb! That's 13 lb less than my starting weight of 341 lb, 35 days ago ! | I'm not happy with this. I don't know how I managed to gain 1.5 lb...sipping some pulpless Tropicana Orange Juice. The sandwiches probably took up about 80g of carbs, and the juice around another 30 or so. I'm aiming for about 170 today. We'll see how well that goes

...the bathroom I know they're thinking that I'm throwing up, and they talk about me in whispers and stop when I walk in:( Anyway have lost over a lb since I woke up this morning:)  Can't believe how fat I've become though.  At 118 I thought I'd never have to see the 120's again, then the 130's, then the 140's.... Aiming to be 120lbs by 5th December.  Would like to be sub-100 for the New Year but not...

Okay! im fat! I never really realized this when a colleaugue from college actually said "Ang laki ng mukha mo! " when i met up with her and her other model friends at Greenblelt. I was like " Thank You". But the thought did not really sink in until the day after. and until now im more than affected than ever. Why not?!? I realized that statement is true. geesh, looking at my most recent photos...

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b: bagel w/ strawberry cream cheese, tea l: hummus w/ tortilla chips, four strawberries, 1/4 of a ice cream cookie, water s: tea d: two tacos, tea s: jolly rancher haha. i love tea. i think it comes out to around 1300 calories. i'm still feeling as fat as always. i understand i'm skinny, but i wish i was even MORE skinny. pleaaaase? -Sara