hello,a big hi to everyone,this is my first blog here so please have patience with me.well i have just got back in from another night out at trying to pretend im one of the guys,and to be honest its getting harder and harder to keep up the pretence that i share the same intrests as my friends,over the last year or so i think they may have started noticing things as they teasing and making fun of me...

...ok well here goes and please forgive my bad spelling and puncuation i hope it doesnt ruin this to much in anyway ok well i guess i always knew i was different from a very young age from when the guys used to go out and play football or war games and climb trees i always felt it wasnt for me i used to hide away so i didnt have to get involved an used to sit there looking on with great jealousy...

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i was willing to give him all of me. he was willing to use every bit of it. i feel like cursing, but that just makes me seem ignorant. when he said he cared about me, i took this into deep consideration...not liking him, not wanting to be with him. not until i wasn't good enough and he didn't want me anymore. the moment i realized i couldn't have him anymore is the very moment i fell hardest for him

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Okay, worst way to wake up... ever !! I don't even know this guys name!! [While this was supposed to be yesterday, look at my fail!! There's Guy pacing around town looking for well...Rikku. He's dressed normally, but he's walking like a girl...please help him...her?]

this time i made the mistake, i believed him. i was naive, i let my guard down for the first time, in a long time. i showed him i was vulnerable. i was weak and selfless. he became a hypocrite and i...person in the end.  if one thing is positive from this WHOLE situation, it's that this will NEVER happen again. so goodbye forever, i'll be on my way, it's going to take sometime, but i'll be okay.

...the morning, you should have seen it... Four hundred with something people that are just silently screaming "you're so cute", "i want your number", "she's fiiine", "oh my god look at his arms, so hot". Guys in shorts, with sport bags, sunglasses on, slowly walking in to the room and taking confortable places to be able to check out the girls who are always late. Then come the girls... Flip-flops, tan...

They hurt me purposely, I can feel it and its a little bit too crazy. Guys, why are they so stupid? They seem to hurt people and like the fact that they do it. Maybe they dont even know they dont even know they hurt you. Well girls look for their personal lover. Not many find them. I wish that there was some possible way that I could go back in time and more than likely never ever give up the one...