...time I had my sandwich, my cookies, and my bag of chips.   Cashier swiped my card and I left the store.   ...folks I have trouble controlling my anger  and thanks to a combination of ADHD and PTSD and a head injury I have a couple disorders.    It took every ounce of self control not to bust that man into sections.   As much as I like Subway, I am going to have to look carefully to make sure...

back from Eureka Springs. it was nice, as is usual. our room was awesome, the bed was enormous and wonderful, and i ate very badly (Ruben sandwich for dinner last night, cinnamon roll and a big greasy...naked and vulnerable-feeling again. i want someone here to make sure nothing happens to me. Adam says i appear very "coyote" to him lately. i think i need to take that as a hint, and work on surviving

...or sleeping or being happy. Wow - this is making me cry even writing this. I can realise why Jocelyn sees it as a sooner rather than later thing for me to go on meds. The depression, panic attacks and PTSD are way out of control and even though I'm trying so hard to control them myself, I just can't do it. I want to not be scared of my own head and the only thing I feel like eating/drinking at the...

...bullshit. I'm not a medical person and unqualified to give a medical opinion on what ails me yet the upshot of the hearing is that I answer questions, under oath, related to symptoms of ptsd  and depression which are my official diagnoses. In the process i get a bit more traumatized. (Let's pull on the scabs, stick pins in it, and count the scars to see if it's faking. Does it have...

"They say that 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone." -Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

holy shit, the neighbors across the street are hardcore laying the smack down on each other. they're both inside and i can hear them screaming like they're just outside. there is a lot of racial slurs...for a while. maybe all night, at least until Adam gets home from the haunted house. i can't stand listening to this kind of shit, makes me all nervous and flashback-y. oh my god. i'm out of here

...that are too uncomfortable, then I'll just pack my car and head back to where I was before. I felt a hell of a lot safer in my car (even with all the attendant crap) and I do have anxiety and PTSD so, if it gets set off, I'll just go where I feel safe and stay there until I can cope again (There's no point in going back to the larger crisis shelter). Where I am has no TV and internet will...

...scare). On the Anxiety disorder a score of 4 out of 12 is cause to get evaluated.... I scored 10. Yeah DO I really need to explain that one to you? Then, surpise surprise I scored 4 out of 4 for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). So, basically this is the run down... This therapist believes that I have Major Depression (aka Clinical Depression), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD. Well...

Perhaps the BEST part of the Prexy Debate 2 was when the Old Bullshitter started to vibrate, then pulse, with anger. He grew hotter. And hotter. Then he burned with righteous, psychotic fury. ...where it got scary. Well, here too. I had to close my eyes. Is he done yet? Ono, ono, ono. He's still scary. Finally supernova. And back as plain ole Jon.

I had a freaky dream last night. No, a nightmare. Usually my dreams contain a number of fictional characters and outrageous situations that make them a whole lot easier to dismiss when I wake up. I often...competition, coming late to school, etc., but then when I remembered that part I grabbed my neck just to make sure. I've had the Goddess Persephone on my mind a lot lately. I feel like her right now