...fight. I don’t know how I can stop all that happens beneath my skin, this person crawling around, I don’t know how to stop it from taking me over and making me become something that’s foreign to me. I feel myself slipping through the fingertips of change, and now, most of all, all I want is be myself. Because what you all see, is not what is real, its not me, its not the truth and its not right.
Lately I've noticed something. I've noticed me. I've noticed the peron I am have become. I've noticed that I've changed. I am not the same person I was four or five months ago. I've always been told... It wasn't me. I'm trying so hard to be the real me again, so please just bear with me. If you're reading this and you've noticed me changing and you still love me, thank you so much. I love you.
Paperclips and safety pins and staples Beads and polariods and coloured cardboard Strings of half-finshed friendship bracelets Buttons and thread and needles and cord The bright blue and the shining yellow The turquiose and teal and magenta and red Green pale as white through to black And traces of words we wish we hadn't said
I feel that we can't really change who we are. The things we do not desire to change about ourselves, we take for granted; the things we feel that we admire and envy in others but not ourselves, are just superficial pictures, and things that we don't have for a reason. Real reasons, not hypothesised and rationalised ones.
...is me making mountains out of molehills. i know i'll be fine. it's just that getting there is the hard part, and it's even harder when i feel like i am completely alone, even if i'm not. i can't change the way other people act... but i can change the way i do. and by doing that... i can be who i was before. i can be someone people flock to. i can be the brilliant, beautiful person i was...
Judging by the tight polls, a lot of voters still aren't sure what to make of Barack Obama's "Change we can believe in" - but we do know this: Obama believes in the word "change." Reading through the text of Obama's stump speech in Chester, PA yesterday ( http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/10/obama_on_the_stump_in_chester.html ), one will note that he used his favorite word 19 times...
I think I'm going to put this space on the shelf for right now... not keeping up with it the way I would like, and I'm seeking more interaction and responsiveness than this is providing me. For those few who look here, you know where else to find me.
Right now, the best parts of feeling (being?) sane again are: - having energy to make my life what I want it to be instead of being in strictly-survival mode - having my body image back - I'm beautiful, and thin, and attractive, and capable So fuck you, October. You've been terrible to me. And yayfuckingyay November. I have plans for you, dear. It's going to be a good month.
