...now and kiss girls. um honey just fucking DEAL WITH IT... i wish people wouldn't judge me just because i'm different,.. ok well whatever so i'm going to try to go the rest of the week with out cutting its gonna be hard with all the stress in my life lately... like the stuff i mentioned here plus the fact that i swear i gained like 5 pounds this month and i feel like people are always thinking...

Whoa, second post in a row.  I had some thoughts after the last one.  Sarah asked me a few weeks ago why I had started cutting in the first place.  I gave her an answer, which was somewhere along the lines of, "I just kind of did."  But then I really started to think about it.  Sora and Apollo were floating in my head for a moment, and then I remembered something from a long time ago.  I was in elementary...

...  The staple gun was like a cigar.  Both were good. Working with darkness and shadow I want to work with this somehow.  I don't know how because I know a few people who would be very unhappy if I started cutting again.  But self-destruction is obviously part of my shadow aspect and I want to look deeper.  Maybe this is the beginning path and if I pull on it and keep digging I will find more of it.

...really don't know why I am bothering... Toni just sent me this amazing e-mail. I wish I could meet w/ her this week so my soul can be touched. She is just one of those people. I feel though with the cutting that I am letting her down and all of my other friends. I want to hurt myself but I hurt them in the process. I will probably read the e-mail a couple hundred more times before replying but she...

...a brat, but he was asking fucking stupid questions. He said, "So what happened to you?" "I cut myself." "How did that happen?" "I cut myself." "What were you doing when you cut yourself?" "Cutting myself." Anyway. Then I had to wait and wait and wait, and I called my dad, who was just in the next room, and started bitching about how foolish it was that we'd come there att midnight, and...

And while I'm thinking about it, I don't really like how people view cutting. It seems to be, based off my experience and the literature I've read, that cutting starts out with a purpose. For me, cutting was the only - what I'll call - medication that could give me a break from stomach pain. And then there were times when cutting prevented me from trying to kill myself. I think both of these were justifiable...

I just feel so bad right now. Moments like these make you notice, if you're important to anyone - or not. How can I tell you that problem.. it's just that 'somebody', some guy, well he hurt me. Physically...she actually can't stand me at all. But I feel so alone right now, and with her acting like that, it's just another time to notice that there is nobody there. And that's so hard to understand.

Hi livejournal, I'm kind of in the middle of one gigantic emotional breakdown/self-discovery. So I apologize for the, oh what do the kids call them these days, "emo" posts (Well, I am listening to Sunny...blood and bleeding. It may still be a sign of sickness, but its a step in the right direction. So thanks, livejournal*. *By "livejournal" I mean, my friends. Not ALL of livejournal, obviously

  So i have started to cut myself and i cant stop. It is addicting. I cant tell anybody because than they will FREAK out. HELP!!                

Today I felt so miserable. I realized how foolish I was being. Later on my mother asked me, "What did you expect to come of that relationship," and I said I didn't know. I wanted it to become real. I...things. You care about everyone but one person. And that is you." I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. I feel like I have no one but my family, and even they are too distant. Where am I, anyway?